Jesus Lied About Prayer

Jesus Lied His Ass Off About Prayer

    Here are the quotes from Jesus that prove that he lied about prayer:

    1)  And Jesus answered and said to them, "Truly I say to you, if you have faith and do not doubt, you will not only do what was done to the fig tree, but even if you say to this mountain, `Be taken up and cast into the sea,' it will happen.  "And all things you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive."  (Matthew 21:21-22 NAS)

OK then. How about some of you faithful pray for an end to all disease? If it happens then Jesus didn't lie. If it doesn't happen then Jesus did lie.

    2)  Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks, receives; and the one who seeks, finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.  (Matthew 7:7-8 NAB)

I want the sky to turn green with purple polka dots for a week. Did you hear that God? If it doesn't happen then Jesus lied about prayer.

    3)  Again I say to you, that if two of you agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done for them by My Father who is in heaven.  For where two or three have gathered together in My name, I am there in their midst.  (Matthew 18:19-20 NAS)

How about two of you Christers get together and pray for God to kill Satan. After all isn't it Satan that you Christers blame for everything bad? God kills and tortures his children and then sends them to suffering in Hell for all eternity yet he will not kill Satan. If he can't kill Satan then God is a wimp. If he can but won't he obviously has more regard for Satan than he does for us.

    4)  Amen, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, 'Be lifted up and thrown into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it shall be done for him.  Therefore I tell you, all that you ask for in prayer, believe that you will receive it and it shall be yours.  (Mark 11:24-25 NAB)

What is the point of throwing a mountain in the sea? Here is what you Christers can ask for. Ask God to reserve all the damage from the tsunami in Japan. Hmm.... Maybe one of you silly Christers did convince that sadist to throw a mountain into the sea and that is what cause the tsunami that devastated Japan. 

    5)  And I tell you, ask and you will receive; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks, receives; and the one who seeks, finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.  (Luke 11:9-13 NAB)

Knock! Knock! Who's there? God. God who? The same God who is punishing all humanity because Eve ate an apple.

    6)  And whatever you ask in my name, I will do, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son.  If you ask anything of me in my name, I will do it.  (John 14:13-14 NAB)

Anything? You're kidding? Anything? OK DIE SCUMBAG!

    7)  If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask for whatever you want and it will be done for you.  (John 15:7 NAB)

Well Jesus I read in the hidden Gospel of Mark how found you were of little Greek boys. Did you get into one of them? I think you did?

    8)  It was not you who chose me, but I who chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit that will remain, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name he may give you.  (John 15:16 NAB)

Lord won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz? In Jesus name of course.  

    9)  On that day you will not question me about anything.  Amen, amen, I say to you, whatever you ask the Father in my name he will give you.  Until now you have not asked anything in my name; ask and you will receive, so that your joy may be complete.  (John 16:23-24 NAB)

I want a beer.

  10)  The Lord replied, "If you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you could say to this mulberry tree, 'Be uprooted and planted in the sea,' and it would obey you!  (Luke 17:6)

  There must be millions of Christers with very little faith. There is no good reason to uproot a perfectly good mulberry tree and toss it in the ocean but I do have a lot of weeds in my lawn so could some of you Christers ask God in Jesus' name to weed my lawn and toss the weeds in a pile?

Jesus repeats this lie and add to it in Matthew 12:20  And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you.

I guess that old liar and scoundrel Jesus didn't think that anybody would be taking notes and writing this stuff down.  

It gets worse! Jesus sometimes would claim to be God and God claims to know everything BUT apparently he forgot that a mustard seed is not the smallest of all seed but being the liar that he was, he said it was. “The kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed, which a man took and sowed in his field; and this is smaller than all other seeds; but when it is full grown, it is larger than the garden plants, and becomes a tree, so that the birds of the air come and nest in its branches,” (Matt. 13:31)

There will be Christers that will lie and say that Jesus was only talking about local seeds but clearly he meant all seeds because that is what he said and wouldn't God be precise especially if he knew this shit was going to get written down and presented as his "Word"?